Let Me Be Honest With You, Baby Girl
I need you to hear this loud and clear: stop thinking you can change him. No matter how much you care about him or how hard you try, some things just aren’t yours to fix. Love shouldn’t feel like a constant battle to mold someone into the partner you deserve. If he’s not already showing up as the person you need, no amount of effort on your part will make that happen.
Think about it—what did he do? Did he metaphorically “shit his pants” in this relationship? Is that really what you signed up for? Are you okay with cleaning up mess after mess while he refuses to take responsibility for his actions?
You might think, “If I just give him more time, if I just love him harder, he’ll get it together.” But here’s the truth: you can’t pour water into a cracked pot and expect it to hold. And guess what? It’s not your job to fix the cracks in the first place.
The Myth of Changing Someone Through Love
We’ve all heard the saying, “Love conquers all,” but let me tell you something—it doesn’t conquer everything. Love isn’t magic; it’s not a cure-all for deep-seated issues like immaturity, selfishness, or unwillingness to grow. Too often, we fall into the trap of believing that our love is enough to transform someone who isn’t ready—or worse, doesn’t even want—to change.
Here’s an example: Imagine you’re dating someone who constantly cancels plans at the last minute because they prioritize their friends over you. At first, you might think, “I’ll show him how amazing I am, and then he’ll realize I’m worth making time for.” But weeks turn into months, and nothing changes. Why? Because people only change when they decide to—not because you force them to.
This pattern isn’t unique to one situation—it happens in relationships all the time. We convince ourselves that we’re special, that we’ll be the exception. But the reality is, if someone doesn’t value you now, they likely never will.
Why Settling Costs You More Than You Realize
When you stay in a relationship hoping to change someone, you’re not just wasting your time—you’re sacrificing pieces of yourself along the way. Every moment you spend trying to “fix” him is a moment you could be investing in your own growth, happiness, and future.
- Your Energy: Constantly fighting for someone else leaves you emotionally drained. Instead of thriving, you’re surviving—and barely at that.
- Your Self-Worth: When you accept less than you deserve, you start to believe you’re worth less. Over time, this erodes your confidence and sense of self.
- Your Future: By staying stuck in a toxic cycle, you delay finding the healthy, loving relationship you truly deserve.
Let me ask you this: How long are you willing to wait for someone who hasn’t proven they’re capable—or even interested—in being the partner you need? Life is too short to settle for scraps when you deserve a feast.
You Deserve Better—And You Will Find Better
I know it’s hard to walk away from someone you care about, especially when you’ve invested so much of yourself into the relationship. But trust me when I say this: you deserve better. You deserve someone who sees your worth without you having to explain it. Someone who chooses you every single day—not because you forced them to, but because they genuinely want to.
Maybe you’re scared of being alone or worried you won’t find anyone else. Let me reassure you: there are people out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. People who will celebrate your strengths, support your dreams, and stand by your side through thick and thin. Those people exist—but you won’t find them until you let go of the ones holding you back.
Consider Sarah’s story (a fictional example): She spent years in a relationship with a man who consistently broke promises and made excuses for his behavior. She kept telling herself, “He’ll change someday.” But instead of improving, things got worse. Finally, she decided to leave—and within months, she met someone who respected her boundaries, communicated openly, and treated her like a priority. Looking back, she realized she had wasted years waiting for something that was never going to happen.
Sarah’s story isn’t unique. So many of us cling to relationships that drain us because we’re afraid of losing what we have. But sometimes, letting go is the only way to create space for something better.
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” – Tony Gaskins
How to Recognize When It’s Time to Walk Away
If you’re unsure whether you should stay or leave, ask yourself these questions:
- Does he consistently show up for you, or does he only promise to do better?
- Do you feel valued, respected, and loved—or do you feel like you’re constantly fighting for crumbs?
- Has he taken concrete steps to address the issues in your relationship, or does he expect you to keep forgiving and forgetting?
If the answers point to a pattern of neglect or disrespect, it’s time to seriously consider walking away. Remember, a healthy relationship requires mutual effort—not one-sided sacrifice.
A Message of Empowerment: You Are Worth So Much More
Baby girl, listen to me: you are worth so much more than settling for someone who doesn’t value you. Your heart, your energy, and your time are precious gifts—not bargaining chips to trade for someone else’s attention or affection.
Start seeing yourself the way others should see you: as someone strong, beautiful, and deserving of unconditional love. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, inspire you, and remind you of your worth. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to demand better for yourself.
Walking away might feel scary, but staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve you is far scarier. Trust that the right person will come along—someone who doesn’t need fixing, because they already see you as the incredible woman you are.
Final Thoughts: Believe in Yourself
To anyone reading this who feels stuck in a relationship where they’re constantly trying to change their partner, let me leave you with this: you are not responsible for fixing someone else’s flaws. Love should lift you up, not weigh you down. It should bring joy, not exhaustion.
Take a step back and evaluate your situation honestly. Ask yourself if this relationship is helping you grow or holding you back. If it’s the latter, it’s time to let go and focus on finding the love you truly deserve.
You are worthy. You are enough. And you are destined for greatness—including in matters of the heart. Don’t settle for anything less than extraordinary.
